


it's the (not so great) pumpkin

by snowglobegays



Series: holiday sinners [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Barista Harry, Blowjobs, Bottom Louis, Captain Hook - Freeform, Daddy Kink, Halloween, M/M, Peter Pan - Freeform, Pining Harry, Pining Louis, Rimming, Smut, Top Harry, almost???, for the autumn fic exchange!!!!!!!, hatred for pumpkin spice, he says daddy once, like its a joke kinda, louis calls him father n dad a lot n its funny, not really any angst just zayn being done, not really any fluff either, punny, so it started as one prompt and ended as kind of another, the smut is... interesting, this is more pining, tiny tiny mention of pot bc louis is making a pun, vv casual writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:02:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2703077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowglobegays/pseuds/snowglobegays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis hates pumpkin and fall and harry is a starbucks barista who writes butt poems and larry meet like ziam and zayn gets angry and louis is peter and harry is hook and theres daddy kink jokes mixed in and so many peter pan puns, or peter puns and louis is the champion but harry thinks he is the master and there's bathroom blowjobs and boyfriends and a lot of texting (harry is bold n louis italics)</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's the (not so great) pumpkin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bugspokemon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugspokemon/gifts).



> so. this has been an adventure. in like a month im going to read this and be horribly embarrassed but for now this is really funny. the prompts (i used) were  
> 1-louis absolutely hates fall and pumpkin flavoured everything yet he keeps going to starbucks for his tea so the cute barista (harry) can keep writing him poems about his features on the side of the paper cup. (*hint* it's his bum, mostly)  
> and  
> 2- harry and louis meet at a costume party/rave, harry dressed as tarzan and louis as peter pan. they fuck and tarnish the disney name.  
> harry isnt tarzan but if i wanted pirate and peter puns he had to be hook sorry bud  
> i hope this is what you were hoping for

pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cake, pumpkin pastries, pumpkin waffles, pumpkin juice, pumpkin chips, fucking pumpkin spice lattes. louis  _hated_ pumpkin season.  
  
what even was the appeal of pumpkin? they were just massive hard orange things people carved and flavored literally everything with.  
  
pumpkins were horrible, yes, but starbucks in october? the worst. louis couldn't  _stand_  stepping into the shop when everything was pumpkin and he hated leaving smelling like he dove into a vat of pumpkin seeds and spices. it is horrible. when is christmas.  
  
"if you hate pumpkins so much why do you keep going to starbucks?" liam needed to shut the hell up.  
  
"you always complain about smelling like pumpkins yet you still go to starbucks every day. you can easily avoid pumpkin spice by not going." when would zayn learn to mind his own damn business.  
  
louis was so not going to starbucks because of a cute boy who wrote poems on his cup. why would anyone think that? it's totally not the case. no, obviously he doesn't keep his cups because of the poems. why would anyone think that? certainly not because of the pile of empty cups in his closet. definitely not.  
  
okay, so maybe louis almost had a crush on a worker with a nametag that said 'harry styles' in big block letters. maybe this harry styles wrote little poems on his cup every day. just maybe.  
  
ok so every day, without fail, when louis walked in and ordered and harry asked for his name, he'd get his tea back with four or five lines written about him.  
  
the eleventh day going, harry had the tea ready.  
  
_Nice eyes_  
_Yummy thighs_  
_Makes me cry_  
_Doesn't even try_  
_xx_  
  
louis couldn't look back at harry because of his blush.  
  
the twelfth day, he took liam in with him on their way to class. his steaming tea was sat beside harry and he put it in the air when louis and liam stepped in. louis paid with a small grin and a wink and covered the scribbled words from liam.  
  
_Tiny feet_  
_Make me weep_  
_Massive butt_  
_Makes me weak_  
  
alas, butt was the word louis let slip. "hey, what’s that?" of course liam had to notice. of course he commented on it. louis hated liam.  
  
"nothing," louis answered quickly, moving his palm to cover the words.  
  
"no, I think there’s something." why liam. why.  
  
louis sighed and glared. "liam it is nothing I swear."  
  
liams eyebrows raised in disbelief and he licked his teeth. "I think you're lying. that boy had your tea ready and I swear it says butt. let me see it."  
  
louis pouted. "nooo it's miine."  
  
"you said it was nothing, let me see it!" why did karen get pregnant a third time. why couldn't they settle for two girls.  
  
"it is nothing and I don't have to prove that." louis laughed nervously and pressed the cup to his chest, hiding the writing.  
  
liam looked thoroughly unimpressed. louis held the cup tighter to his chest. the eye-conversation they had was battling and intimidating and louis felt like he was going to be stepped on and wanted the ground to swallow him up. "fine."  
  
liams intense gaze won and louis slowly turned the cup around, the hastily scribbled words standing out black-on-white.  
  
"i told you you had tiny feet! you wouldn’t believe me! they're microscopic!" liam screeched in an ecstatic giggle.  
  
louis sighed. "is that the only thing you’ve gathered? god you are thick."  
  
-  
  
liam didn’t let it go. he told everyone that ‘louis has a secret admirer! he writes poems on his tea cup!’ louis would have killed him but then zayn would have killed him as well.  
  
“louis,” he’d say after the small boy went on a rant about how Liam was ‘ruining his life’ and ‘people were going to tell harry that louis thought he was cute’ “please don’t kill my boyfriend. i love him to death and i know he’s an embarrassing fuck but please. don’t kill liam.”  
  
so louis didn’t. barely.  
  
-  
  
day after day, poem after poem, blush after blush, tease after tease. louis had his schedule set up and he lived his life in a stream of similarity. he was fine with it, honestly, he was. he loved the poems, he loved the tea, he hated the pumpkin. he was just maybe getting a little bored.  
  
“talk to him. ask for his number.”  
  
“you know. zayn, you’re the absolute-” zayn’s face lifted in hope ‘ _best’_  he thought. “-worst.” zayn’s face fell back into brooding, indifferent beauty “i can’t just talk to him after like, a month! that’s super creepy and how am i supposed to tell my children that i first spoke to their father in a coffee shop stinking of pumpkin? the romance will be murdered because i’ll be blocking my nose from the stench of that horrible place. I'm counting down the days until they take pumpkin spice away, i’ll have you know.”  
  
zayn rolled his eyes. “he compliments you left and right; i don’t know why you can’t say something back! if i hadn’t told liam how nice his new haircut was we wouldn’t be dating.” and, of course. liam and zayn met through a store.  
  
liam worked at the pet store around the corner from louis and zayn’s flat. zayn would go for treats for louis’ hedgehog and liam would type little message onto the receipt. stupid things like  _ **have fun!**_  or  _ **he’ll defiantly enjoy this!**_  (poor, poor liam. can’t even spell) or even ** _i can’t wait to met him! i am meting him rite? u shud invit me over somday!_**  (louis totally didn't cringe at that)  
  
zayn invited liam over, louis nearly had a heart attack when his second best mate was at the door, the pair yelled at him for like, an hour for not introducing them, they ate dinner, louis was kicked out, and liam fucked zayn senseless. a month later, liam moved in and a week after that louis moved out.  
  
“fuck your weird ass romance; if you hadn't told him his hair was nice you both would've pined until i decided to introduce you two and your moaning would still be the reason i moved out.”  
  
zayn shrugged and muttered a small ‘whatever’ as he ambled to the kitchen. louis sighed. “now, if you’ll excuse me, i have to get my tea.”  
  
zayn laughed quietly and yelled. “talk to him” as louis left.  
  
“fuck no!”  
  
-  
  
after louis left, zayn crept to the boys’ room and to his closet. he giggled when he opened the door and about 20 cups tumbled out. “he really kept them all!” he whispered to himself.  
  
each cup had scribbled of black handwriting in about four lines. zayn read over each poem gleefully, almost embarrassed for both boys.  
  
_That butt is fine_  
_Absolutely divine_  
_I want it mine_  
_All the time_  
  
_Ok I can’t get over your bum_  
_It’s better than everyone’s_  
_It’s the best_  
_I want to bite it._  
  
(zayn giggled loudly at that)  
  
_I’ve given up on rhyming_  
_Your butt is too nice_  
_I can’t stand it_  
_Jesus Christ_  
_(hey that rhymed!!!!!!!!!)_  
  
_Great face_  
_Better butt_  
_Amazing body_  
_Best butt_  
  
(“jesus, where does he get all these?”)  
  
  
_Your butt is everything to me_  
_I love butts_  
_I really do_  
_Especially yours_  
_Nice!_  
  
zayn cackled loudly, the sounds echoing in his friends’ empty house. after calming down a bit, he glanced around to see if any stood out. one with extra writing caught his eye and as he picked it up, one was taped to it.  
  
  
_You are beautiful_  
_I want to fuck your butt_  
_Like all the time pls let me fuck you_  
_Oh shit that sounds awful_  
_I don’t mean to push_  
_You deserve a nice man who doesn’t say that_  
_Um_  
_Was that almost harassment?_  
_I think it was_  
_Sorry_  
  
and the one attached said  
  
_Sorry for last time_  
_Your butt is divine_  
_I’ve already used that rhyme_  
_You are everything_  
  
zayn sighed. of course louis would like this guy. of course this guy would write about his butt for weeks and apologize for saying he wanted his dick in it. wedding bells rung in zayn’s ear as he stood up.  
  
liam walked in as zayn was cleaning. “what are all these?” he asked, picking up one, looking it over.  
  
“louis freaking keeps all the cups. this is beautiful. i totally ship it. what’s his name?”  
  
liam smiles, reading the one in his hand aloud. “heard you complaining to supermodel about pumpkin spice and fall? why do you come here still? I'm not complaining; i like you coming. you can hate it but i love it. likeiloveyourbutt.” he sighed out a laugh. “supermodel?”  
  
a fond grin broke across zayn’s face at liams  scrunched up nose. “probably me. louis was going off at me one day about how he can’t wait for peppermint because he hates fall and pumpkin spice. i mean, i am beautiful.”  
  
liam pouts, almost jealous that someone noticed zayn’s beauty. “well he doesn’t have t-” liam was interrupted by the front door banging open and louis letting out a loud, long, scream.  
  
liam and zayn stared tensely at each other for a second before running to the door to find louis spread against the shut door, one hand in his hair and one clutching a sloshing cup to his chest. “are… are you okay?” zayn asked carefully.  
  
“boy am i okay!” louis breathed out happily. “look at this!” he thrust the cup into zayn chest, hot tea flopping out, but zayn didn’t react to the burn. he only saw a string of numbers on the cup in the same handwriting he’d been reading for the past half hour and all he could think was fuck i know that number.  
  
-  
  
_Um_  
_I love your everything_  
_Especially your butt_  
_It’s literally heaven_  
_Here’s my number_  
_615-0177_  
_I even rhymed_  
_Call me only if you want to_  
_Or text me I don’t care_  
  
-  
  
“your mystery lover was harry styles? what the fuck louis you should’ve told me!” zayn was pacing and running his hands through his hair, overwhelmed and bewildered. harry styles was his best friend from childhood who he had lost contact with for a few years but recently started talking to and seeing again. “man, you’re who he’s been blabbing about! he kept saying great butt and blue eyes and tiny and beautiful and i just never even considered it could be you! oh fuck am i stupid!”  
  
louis was seconds from passing out because 1) zayn knows his man 2) he had harry’s number!! 3) zayn didn't consider him being harry's crush at beautiful (like, excuse me?) and 4) this is eerily identical to ziam’s meeting. fuck. “okay, um, I'm pretty sure i’ve said his name a million times and I'm pretty sure you went to starbucks with me many many times! you could have said something!”  
  
zayn knew louis was right; he could have paid attention to the man louis was smitten for, he could have asked for a full name, but he didn’t. louis sagged. “this is like when liam first came over. i was so pissed at you for not telling me anything but i didn’t have the right; you did. you should’ve been so mad at me because i could’ve gone over to the store, i could’ve run into liam and invited him over, i could’ve told him about you.”  
  
“oh my god.” it was like the realization just hit liam. “this is so creepy. ziam meeting 2.0.”  
  
it was seconds before the trio laughed themselves to the ground.  
  
-  
  
zayn texted harry a bunch of exclamation points and emojis before louis texted him.  
  
_you fucker didn’t tell me u knew zayn!!!!!_  
_anyway its louis with the butt u gave me ur number n z yelled at me for not saying it was u_  
  
**zayns like zayn malik???!?!?!?!?!!**  
**zayn is my best friend!**  
**along with my other best friend lmao**  
  
_zayn lived with me for like 3 years!!!_  
  
**where does he live now?**  
  
_with his boyfriend liam in my old house. liams been my bff longer than zayn n u may think i set them up but no. anyway i had to move out bc of sex._  
  
**obviously. before i moved away he was a sex machine. lived with him for a bit in the end of high school n he had everyone over always n then i moved for college n moved back for  work**  
  
_theyre so LOUD_  
_also this is harry right lmao_  
  
**no this is yrrah. this is siuol right?**  
  
_of course. nyaz kilam n mail enyap want 2 meet u_  
_well mail does_  
_I'm literally crying rn I'm going to call him mail for the rest of my life_  
  
**liam payne? zayns boyfriend is liam payne?**  
  
_you know him somehow. oh no._  
  
**my friend niall horan is his boss at the pet shop i am going to piss myself**  
  
_but. ok u have no idea._  
_so i lived with zayn_  
_zayn went to pet shop n liam typed notes on his receipts_  
_crush_  
_liam came over one time_  
_liam is my other bff so i knew him_  
_super small world right_  
_liam moves in, i move out, u write notes abt my phenomenal butt_  
_zayn knows u_  
_u know zayn_  
_u know niall_  
_niall knows liam_  
_the pet shop has little celebrations sometimes where workers and friends mingle_  
  
**ive been to loads of those!!!!!!!!!!**  
  
_me n liam n zayn go to a lot of them_  
_I'm going to cry maybe_  
  
**I'm freaking out a little bit tbh**  
**this is creepy**  
**do i want to get mixed in with ur creepy ass tiny world?**  
**yes**  
  
_hey u know zayn n niall I'm not the only one in this creepy tiny ass world_  
  
**i will be in it with u**  
  
_aw_  
_  
  
“niall horan.” louis says at breakfast the next day.  
  
he left his house as the sun was rising and stomped all the way to zayn and liam’s house and demanded breakfast.  
  
“that’s my boss…?” liam cocked his head to the side like a puppy.  
  
“also harrys best friend and roommate.”  
  
zayn stood up and walked away, leaving a trail of “nope nope nope” behind him.  
  
louis pointed at his exiting form. “you see that? him leaving? done? me too.”  
  
-  
  
_yo styles, u know when pumpkin goes n peppermint comes?_  
  
**well louis**  
**I'm not sure if peppermint can jizz**  
  
_fuck u_  
  
**other way around love**  
**i don’t bottom lmao**  
  
_oh fuck me then_  
  
**;)**  
  
_h. no._  
_when is peppermint gonna be on the starbucks menu?????_  
  
**after Halloween**  
**also**  
**u doing anything 4 halloween?**  
**niall n i r throwing a partyyy n u cn comeeeee**  
**;)**  
  
_ill ignore jizz joke 2 n say I'm not doing anything but now i am bc I'm so going 2 ur party_  
  
_u cn have fun with my bum if u wanna ;)))))))_  
  
_count ur lucky stars that I'm gay n a bottom pal_  
  
**i am**  
**don’t worry**  
  
-  
  
Halloween was days away and louis was pumped if he was honest. liam and zayn had been invited to harry’s party as well and they were all buzzing.  
  
“I'm going as batman and liam as the joker,” zayn told louis one night. “we’re very excited.”  
  
“oh for gods sake zayn; you’re 22 years old,” louis groaned.  
  
“and what were you for Halloween last year?”  
  
that shut louis up.  
  
-  
  
**IMPORTANT what r u going as**  
  
_um_  
_I'm not sure_  
_not what i was last year for sure_  
_22 year old me had no dignity_  
  
**you’re 23???????**  
**u look like**  
**19**  
  
_son i am 23_  
  
**father i am 21**  
**nope**  
**i am father**  
  
_is this u saying u have a daddy kink_  
  
**…**  
  
_u have a fucking daddy kink!!!!!!!!!_  
_this is so funny_  
_imm changing ur contact name_  
  
**what was it?**  
  
_buttlover2000_

_i cannot believe i am 23 and if u rly do have a daddy kink ill be calling u daddy_

_this is so fun_   _ny_

 _i am 23_  
  
**my 23 yr old whatever is calling me daddy**  
**nice**  
  
_I'm a whatever 2 u dad?_  
_#offended_  
  
**please don’t call me dad**  
  
_ok papa_  
_lmao_  
_i love myself_  
  
**what r u being for Halloween**  
  
_a weenie_  
_get  it_  
_halloweenie_  
  
**i was gonna base off urs**  
  
_aw_  
_we’re my otp_  
  
**i know a great costume for u ;)))))))**  
  
_if u say boyfriend i swear Harold_  
  
**my boyfriend**  
**oh fuck**  
**u should be it tho**  
  
_pls don’t ask me on text dad_  
  
**we’re never dating if u keep calling me dad**  
**:/**  
  
_dad don’t b this way_  
_dad pls_  
_u can be captain hook_  
_me peter pan_  
_or be wendy lmao_  
  
**id be a sexy pirate**  
  
_boy don’t kid urself ur a sexy human_  
  
**thnx bby**  
**i mean peter**  
**lmao**  
  
_ttyl cap_  
_i mean father_  
  
**fuck you**  
  
_please ;)_  
  
-  
  
ok so finding a captain hook costume was harder than harry thought. he really liked louis and wanted to find something good for him, seeing as louis would probably have an ace peter costume. “niall. help.” he said into the phone as he stood in the middle of the store surrounded by costumes. “captain hook.”  
  
“red coat. dark red. fancy.”  
  
harry spent five minutes ruffling through the clothes around his feet before pulling one out. “check,” he said.  
  
“hook hand.”  
  
harry spent ten minutes walking around the aisles before finding a shiny gold hook. “check.”  
  
“white tights.”  
  
“have some from last year. check.”  
  
“funky black boots.”  
  
harry could see what he was looking for, easily finding horribly tacky shoes hanging in the dollar section. “check.”  
  
“big red hat with a feather.”  
  
harry ran to the hat section, searching desperately for a big hat that matched the color of his coat. he hummed when he finally found it. “check.”  
  
“you gonna dye your hair, wear a wig, or leave as it?”  
  
“ill spray it black. we’ve got some hair color spray back home. so check.”  
  
“that’s it pal. you’ll be a sexy captain for him.”  
  
-  
  
once Halloween finally, finally rolled around, harry’s house was decorated and party prepped. doors locked, bathrooms cleaned, kitchen stocked, and spooky music playing. louis arrived first.  
  
harry realized when louis’ jaw dropped that this was the first time they had seen each other out of starbucks. the uniform didn’t do harry justice.  
  
the two stared at each other nervously and in awe before harry spoke up, doing the thing he did best. “give me yer booty.”  
  
-  
  
once the joke set in, they were laughing and getting along perfectly, heart eyes too fond and lips too close. the party soon began and tons of people loaded in the house. zayn was sexy and slim in his batman costume, making liam drool a little bit and smear the white paint coating his face.( “it is so not funny louis; i need more paint.”   “oh it is so funny, mail.”)  
  
harry and louis ended up dancing quite dirty and quite close. louis turned around and grinding against harrys dick. he tugged one of harrys black curls into his face and whispered. “father, fuck me.”  
  
harry bent down and whispered “it sounds like I'm a priest, child.”  
  
what a way to ruin the mood.  
  
-  
  
so it turns out that the mood wasn’t ruined at all when ten minutes later, louis and harry were kissing fervently on harry’s bed, all the lights off save for a lamp next to the bed. louis was on harry’s lap, his green tights stretching as he straddled harry and the younger boy gripped his bum. “you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do this,” he gasped as louis sucked and nibbled at his neck. “i spent like, a month wanting to do things to you and this butt and fucking finally i get to. thank you.”  
  
“you don’t know how long i've wanted your dick to do something to me,” louis breathed back, falling to harrys side and tugging the coat away.  
  
it was a struggle of limbs and tights to get their costumes off, harry growing impatient and ripping louis’ tights off. “fuck you mate i liked those,” louis huffed, although he reached down and did the same to harry’s.  
  
“i’ll buy you all the tights you want if they all make you bum look that nice.”  
  
“spoil me, dad.”  
  
harry sighed. ‘dad’ was only going to reduce his boner. this was getting nowhere.  
  
-  
  
“i swear harry, if you don’t touch me somewhere in ten seconds I'm pulling someone from downstairs and never talking to you again,” louis ground his dick against harry’s forcefully to punctuate his need.  
  
“where do you want me to touch? here?” harry tweaked louis’ nipples before licking over each nub gently. “maybe here?” he kissed down louis’ bellybutton, so close to his dick, so fucking close… “here?” harry licked up the shaft of his dick and louis whined high and from the back of his throat, starting to nod desperately, but harry kept going down. “how about here?” harry sucked gently at louis’ balls and louis gasped for breath because harry was such a fucking tease and he needed to get on with it, maybe put his dick in louis like, right now, but harry still wasn’t fucking done. “i think here.”  
  
and that is when louis died.  
  
harry’s warm, wet, skilled tongue was prodding and licking and fucking abusing his hole and louis had possibly gone to heaven. he was squirming and panting, his legs squeezed to his chest. “fuck, harry,  _please_!” he begged, arching his back.  
  
“turn around love, get on your stomach.” louis didn’t need to be told twice.  
  
harry buried his face in louis’ bum, kissing each cheek lovingly and biting roughly, as if to claim the round, tan beauties. “get on with it! please…”  
  
tongue, spit, harry, pleasure, harry, moans, harry, tongue, fucking harry fucking tongue louis was in heaven, and then- oh. harry jabbed in a finger, the bottle of lube that had appeared from nowhere being dropped at louis’ side and louis all but screamed. “oh fuck, yes please, daddy!” and out it flew.  
  
 -  
  
the joke was so funny- father, dad, papa, and louis was so upset for letting it slip and calling him daddy but by the way harry fucked his fingers out faster and added more enthusiasm to his licking, louis figured he liked it and couldn’t find it in him to regret the sip up.  
  
 -  
  
fuck louis was nearing death barely five minutes into actual intercourse and literally no dicks involved yet. louis wasn’t going to survive this.  
  
“this is great and all,” louis moaned into the bed under him, “but i’m going to need a dick in me very very soon or i will have to take matters into my own hands and find someone else.”  
  
“all this talk of leaving me, i might start thinking you don’t want me,” harry grinned, shoving a third finger into louis.  
  
“oh fuck, mate, i was pining for fore-ever, if you think I'm giving this u-up, you’re dead wrong.” drool was staining the sheets beneath louis’ mouth and it was growing uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as not having a dick in him.  
  
harry removed his fingers after a few quick pumps and wiped them on the side of the bed, smearing lube and spit on the white sheets. his face scrunched up as he realized how hard it’d be to was off and louis’ heart exploded with fond fond fond. harry caught louis’ gaze and shot him a goofy grin, his black curls framing his face like a halo, making him look 17. louis was going to die from pleasure and love. well, fuck.  
  
-  
  
harry winked at louis and slipped on a condom, grabbing it from thin air as he had done with the lube. maybe his bed had pockets or special hiding places so he wouldn’t have to trudge to the bathroom everytime he wanted to fuck someone.  
  
harry took care in slicking himself with the (magic) lube; he didn’t want to hurt this god on his bed; that’d send him straight to jail or hell or something equally as horrifying. louis was an angel minus the dead part if angels were even dead. harry just really loved this boy already.  
  
“get on with it pal; hook me in,” louis was back on his back and lifted his hips for harry to get a damn move on.  
  
harry froze his movements, his grip slackening on his dick. “did you just… did you just make a pun about captain hook?” his mouth was hanging open ever so slightly as he started to shake with laughter. “i cannot believe you, louis. that was horrible!”  
  
louis pouted. “not much better than you ‘give me yer booty’ joke, father. don’t make fun of me when you’re worse.”  
  
harry pursed his lips and shook his head. “i thought it was peter darn funny.” he started to pull louis’ hips closer, but louis stopped him.  
  
“please tell me you didn’t just make a peter pan joke…” he said slowly. “i can’t believe in you…”  
  
“ok now, that one is really hard to get. you can’t play off the ‘i do believe in fairies’ thing; it’s a very emotional part of the movie! if you’re going to make a pun, make it good. your time is ticking.”  
  
neither moved for a solid five minutes. “i’m ashamed. these horrible puns won’t win-dy my heart.” louis whispered, his hand still grasping harry’s arm, harry’s hand still holding his dick.  
  
 -  
  
silence.  
  
 -  
  
“please just fuck me.”  
  
“we should get on with that. sorry darling.” harry smirked as he resumed his movements.  
  
“i’m not going to comment on that. here we go buddy, this is where you let me ‘sea’ what you’ve got.” louis had to stop breathing to prevent himself from giggling.  
  
“a double pun! there were two fucking puns in there! louis i am so proud of you!” harry gushed, pressing his dick into louis slowly, ever so slowly.  
  
“i’m proud of smee too, cap. thanks.” louis was giggling at his jokes when harry bottomed out, his squeaky laughs morphing to breathy moans.  
  
"oh."  
  
“enough with all these peter puns; it’s time to have fun like we never grew up,” harry practically growled as he started thrusting.  
  
louis was so tight around him and his bum was jiggling when their hips met and they were moaning and sweating until louis said “i feel like i could fly because of your dick.”  
  
oh, it’s on, harry thought. peter pan puns (peter puns) before sex and during sex. i can work with that. i am the pun master.  
  
“you like the feel of that, baby teeth?” harry pants, going for a reference to the original book.  
  
louis screeched quietly as harry hit his prostate dead on. “that’s… that’s not even a pun, little boy.”  
  
“in the book, it says he’s so young that he still has his baby teeth. you’re a baby because you haven’t grown up so, baby teeth.” harry’s own teeth were gritted with pleasure as he collapsed on his forearms, his face inches above louis’.  
  
“you lost, boy? need a way back up? some fairy dust could hold you up since you’re too weak to.” louis smirked  when harry grunted and lifted himself back up.  
  
“those puns are the only weak things in this room, that and your attempts to beat me. my big ben is so deep in you that you’ll cave and call me a winner in no time at all.”  
  
 -  
  
louis gagged a little at that. his dick is the big ben? i guess they hop on the big ben in the movie…  
  
-  
  
the sex was so intense, so competitive, but neither boy was fully concentrating on the warmth spreading through their bodies, signaling oncoming orgasms.  
  
“y-you gonna come for me soon?” louis asked, gasping for breath like he’d tried to fly using his arms as wings.  
  
“nana, you’re coming before me,” harry stuttered out, struggling to keep his pace accurate.  
  
“did you just call me their fucking dog?” louis panted in-between short giggles. “i’m much prettier than nana was.”  
  
harry shook his head, sweaty curls flying around wild and dark, nearly as long as the actual captain’s hair. “i was trying to sound like ‘nah, nah.’ that not work out?”  
  
“not quite. now drill me harder with you big DONG” (said like the dong of a big clock) “so i can come soon and take a ride on a gold ship into the sunrise for a bit. that’s how good orgasms work and i’m expecting one from you or i’m afraid i may never land from this floaty space.” louis scratched down harry’s back in long, red lines, encouraging him to go faster.  
  
“oh, fuck,” harry cursed as louis clenched down on him and he couldn’t help but come into the condom in hot squirts.  
  
louis felt the cock pulse inside of him and he pumped his cock once, twice, before coming all over his chest. “shit,” he sighed happily as harry drew out and ripped the condom off and threw it into the trash can untied and dripping.  
  
“that’s not the kind of treasure the kids and pirates want,” harry murmured, nuzzling close to louis.  
  
“your stamina was about as strong as tink’s attempts to escape the lantern hook locked her in. i had you stuck in my walls little guy. well, you’re not so little down there,” louis punched harry’s arm lightly. “that was good man. i only called you daddy once and i didn’t even mean to. sorry if i sunk your ship.”  
  
harry gave up on sleeping if louis was going to keep up the peter puns. “we have all the time in the world to work on kinks. our time isn’t ticking away as fast as hooks was. we don’t have a crocodile after us.”  
  
louis laughed gently. “good one.”  
  
-  
  
the couple laid in silence for about half an hour before louis spoke up. “you have any croc-pot? i bet if they’re down there, zayn and mail and maybe even niall would be up to getting high enough to fly.”  
  
yup, harry was in love.  
  
-  
  
**so louis**  
**guess what**  
  
_what harold its 4am why r u texting me ur such an imbeci_ le  
  
**too early for big words cutie**  
  
_cutie with a booty_  
_anyway what_  
  
**theyve added peppermint to the menu**  
**meaning pumpkin isnt the main event**  
**meaning theres only one pumpkin thing left on the menu bc its still fall**  
**meaning u should come stay w/ me at work**  
**i need to show off my cute boyfriend to everyone**  
**wait**  
**u r my bf right**  
**????!!!!**  
  
_yes harold i am ur bf i think our halloween sex proved that_  
_i wouldnt fuck to peter 'puns' with just anyone_  
_< 3_  
_anyway_  
_!!!!!!_  
  
**!!!!?????**  
**what**  
  
_PEPPERMINT_  
_im never leaving u at work_  
_ur stuck w/ me forever lmao_  
  
**thats not such a bad thing**  
  
_what a sap :*_  
  
**do u want me to save u a peppermint tea**  
  
_do u want me to suck ur dick_  
  
**!!!!!!**  
  
-  
  
ten minutes later louis burst into the starbucks harry worked at. "ive been promised peppermint tea," he announced, shaking off the november chill. "the dark of fall is over and i need a peppermint tea to mark it."  
  
harry's head popped up from behind the counter and his figure rose unsteadily. he stumbled slightly as he started toward louis. "babe!" he cried, finally reaching louis and grabbing his face. "you came!"  
  
louis smirked. "but not before you."  
  
harry pouted at the drag at his stamina (he was still pretty upset that he came before louis on halloween). "heyyyy," he whined. "not nice. i was even gonna kiss you and give you tea."  
  
louis giggled and gently poked harrys protruding bottom lip back in. "don't pout love; i was only playing some. i came for tea and i came for you."  
  
"both coming?" harry whined.  
  
"both coming. here and then. now, i was promised tea and i think i promised you a blowjob." louis' grin was evil. adorable. evil. turning harry on.  
  
"i'm down with you blowing me. tea before or after?"  
  
"after. i'll need a breath freshener after won't i?"  
  
"right."  
  
-  
  
the pair walked over to the bathrooms, few workers and no customers inhabiting the shop at the early hour.  
  
louis pressed harry against the wall and sunk slowly to his knees. he kissed harry's crotch through his jeans and sighed happily. "i love sucking dick."  
  
"let me give you my buried treasure," harry whispered, his voice raspy and low.  
  
louis stared up at harry for a moment before slowly shaking his head. "we're not doing that this time babe. no."  
  
"understandable. please continue."  
  
louis wasted no time in unzipping harry's pants and tugging down his boxers. "how are you hard?" louis giggled, running his fingers along harry's dick lightly.  
  
harry breathed out in a laugh. "m'not fully hard babe. barely halfway."  
  
louis sighed again. "i just really love dicks."  
  
and he put the whole thing in his mouth.  
  
harry jerked in surprise as louis mafe magic with his tongue. "what... what the fuck?" he spluttered, trying to gain control back in his hips.  
  
louis pulled off. "i just really love dick. im 23 harry; ive had practice."  
  
harry's chest burned lightly (with jealousy or pleasure, he wasn't sure). "i wanna see everything you can do with that 'practiced' mouth then."  
  
"oh you'll see."  
  
louis worked harrys dick with his tongue, swirling it, stiffening it, rolling it, curling it, and everything inbetween and beyond. he hollowed his cheeks and puffed them out and showed off his talent of sucking dick.  
  
really, there was no way harry could've lasted long.  
  
barely seven minutes later, harry moaned loud and long, his hips rocking into louis' mouth as he came. "oh, oh fuck, oh shit louis, fuck!" he moaned.  
  
louis swallowed, pulled off, and licked his teeth. "pretty good, eh?"  
  
"very good. _scary_ good."  
  
-  
  
they packed up camp, (harry pulled up his pants and louis brushed off his knees) and walked out trying to be as unsuspicious as possible.  
  
harry made louis' tea while louis chattered about his plans and harry meeting his family. right as louis was saying "you'll have to go on one of our trips or you're not family," he gave hum his drink.  
  
louis cheered quietly as he smelled the peppermint and not dreaded pumpkin. he was about to take a sip when he saw some writing  
  
_really good at blowjobs_  
_really great face_  
_really great puns_  
_really great bum_  
_really great laugh_  
_really great self_  
_ur just really great_  
_ily louis_  
  
louis smiled softly at harry. "you're really great too, pop."  
  
-  
  
if you think for just one second that in a few years harry will give louis a cup of tea with a ring on the top and a hastily scrawled 'will you marry me?' on the side in black ink you are totally right.

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy. that was an adventure. (like peter pan lmao). youre all thinking 'oh man i cant believe i read that' well you did and i liked writing it and you had to have giggled a little bit like cmon, those puns took some thinking.  
> anyway  
> kudos and comments make me a very happy girl. thats how you can win-dy over my heart.
> 
> (also, the croc-pot is like crocodile and pot and a crock pot is a slow cooker in case ppl didnt get it lmao ly)


End file.
